If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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