I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
