You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
