you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
