Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
