Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
