its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
