don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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