it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
