The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
