she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
