letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
