Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
