the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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