I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
