you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As shirtless as possible
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
