i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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