i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
