Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
