Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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