she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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