got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize