half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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