it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
