Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
