it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
