i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
