Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
