I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
