my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He felt like a one man threesome
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
