currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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