I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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