Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
