but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
