I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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