I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
