I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
