There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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