how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
