Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
