There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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