Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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