she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
