I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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