apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
