I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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