I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
