I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
