i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
