I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
