I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
