He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
