don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
