She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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