Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
