I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
