Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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