I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
