Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
