Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
