I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize