Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
