cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
