Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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