im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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