Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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