The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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