Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
