Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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