She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
