This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
