I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
