Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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