Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
