It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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