Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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