So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
