dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
