Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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