i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
