I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
