This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
