My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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