wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
