The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
