Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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