I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
