I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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