It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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