my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize