my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
