I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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