I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize