community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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