he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
