Barsexuality is the new black.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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