she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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