I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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