he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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