worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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