I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he's gonorrhea incarnate
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
