Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
