think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize